This morning I woke up, and checked my phone… It was 6:30 and my alarm had just gone off.
I greeted the day with a text message from my beloved saying “Morning sweet heart, I hope you had the best dreams. I’ll see you tonight xox.” reading this, I could hear the sweet song of her Filipino accent, and I looked at the cutie pie smiling face she sent me, after a moment I got up made a coffee and proceeded to get ready for work, today marked day 4 of the shoot and I’m working on the climax of the film.
I get into my car and flick on the radio there’s been a state of emergency issued by the NSW government due to the bush fire crisis currently going on, and a public health warning has been issued to stay inside if you are suffering from a repertory illnesses due to the smoke.
I messaged a good friend of mind, to wish her a good morning and she replied to me saying “Big day today, keep breathing and stay in the moment.” I could always count on her to remember whats happening in my life, in fact I often rely on it as my memory can be shocking at times.
So I begin to drive to my co workers place to pickup her up, I will be working with her today in finishing the film. The moment she gets into the car its like we performing, our characters are lovers and although we are staying stickily professional, the tension in the car is palpable. I put on some trans music and we continue to drive to Fox studios, from her home it’s about a 20 minute drive. I always feel ready when I’m working with her, her passion for our craft always revs me up to a level where I feel like I can tackle any role.
We arrive on set, and the we hear the AD and Gaffer having a discussion about the setup of the lighting rigs, one complaining it’s going way to slow, and the other retorting that the time taken is how long it takes to focus the light properly.
I look at my friend, lift my eye brow in a manor stating “typical day on set.” A few hours pass and we are finally called to begin working on the final scene, its a total of five shots which will take approximately 5 hours to complete.
We perform them get the wrap and are dismissed from set, after a long day of working this emotionally heaving scene. My friend and I get into my car and I drive her home, fist bump her as she gets out of the car and I proceed to drive to my partners house, we have at this point been together for three months, and I’m meeting her family for the first time.
I honestly am excited, this woman is kind, beautiful and so very intelligent, honestly everything I am looking for.
I arrive to the house hearing the laughter and joy coming from this beautiful family who just enjoy their own company. I knock on the door and my lady comes gives me a giant hug and brings me inside.
all excitedly she walks me into the main room and her family stop mid sentence, and stare at the 32 year old 5’10 anglo man standing in their lounge room. she breaks the silence by saying “Everyone this is Richard, my boyfriend, please say hello and introduce yourself.” at that moment the entire mood of the room shifted back to the jovial state it was in before.
One by one her family would approach me and give me small talk, then move on, everyone but my partners father. He sat in the corner talking with his brother without acknowledging of my existence at all. As the night moved on, we had all eaten and sung karaoke I picked up a fresh drink that my partners dad had been drinking, sat down with him and introduced myself.
He asked me three questions,
1) what do you want with my daughter?
2) why did you get divorced?
3) Do you have children?
In an attempt to gain a little respect I was honest with him, and I said “Sir, I am in love with your daughter, and I hope to one day marry her and grow old with her. As for my marriage, her and I got married at 19, and as I was signed to tour a production, I was travailing a lot and over the course of us being together we discovered that we simply didn’t know each other anymore. To ensure that our children grew up happy, it is better for them to have two loving homes then one sad one.” he stated that he appreciated my honesty and asked me about the film project I was currently working on. I told him its a coming of age story about a man rediscovering his past and encountering the love of his life, whom he believed was gone forever.
The evening seemed to be going well, we laughed sung some more and drank till we couldn’t drink anymore.
In the morning I woke up next to my partner, she was snoring with her head resting softly on my chest. I got a vibration from my phone from my bed side table, an email stating that I had been nominated for the best actor from a stage production I had been apart of.
I gave my partner a huge hug and kissed her gently on the top of the head and went back to sleep.
I later woke up to her standing over me holding a coffee in her hand, she put it on the table, and leaned over and gave me a kiss. ” I love you baby, I hope you know that.” I nodded and told her that I love her too.
I sat up to drink my coffee and take in what has otherwise been an amazing morning. She sat down on the bed looked me in the eye and said “Babe, I just had a conversation with my dad, and he doesn’t want me to be with you anymore. He feels that you have too much life experience for me to handle, and that things in your personal life will be too messy for me to deal with.” I had to take a moment to process what she said, and on top of that process why a 27 year old is letting her parents decide what she is to do with her life.
she said she was sorry, and that she wishes me the best, pickup her bag and walked out. That was the last time I was ever to see that woman, from here I found myself with a hole in my chest, and I was looking to fill that hole with anything I could. I was too emotionally connected to this woman to just let this disappear, yet I didn’t find anyone else who I had that kind of connection with.
In the absence of my ex partner I found myself lost, dating dates i simply shouldn’t have gone on, and exploring a part of relationship sphere, just trying to find ways to heal… Then Co-vid hit and NSW became locked down. I was lucky to be able lean on my two best friends, one who’s so level headed she keeps me grounded, and the other sparks my creativity so strongly that ended up directing a play live streamed as some form of relief for those suffering with isolation issues during the lock down. I had at this point deleted all of the dating apps off my phone, I just wanted to heal and be the best me possible.
After about six months, I decided I would try dating again; Co-Vid had dropped off a little, and everything was starting to reopen. Naturally I met a few people, one spent our entire date crying about a guy who wanted to use her to cheat on her partner, and strangely enough she was actually interested in him. The other I fell for the moment I saw her, her voice was like music in my ears; she could make me laugh without even trying and was so intelligent she hardly even needed to speak to hold my attention. I got two dates out of her and she vanished…
By this time my two friends and I had pretty much stayed the same, my level headed friend was still easily available, and my actor friend started seeing someone.
it wasn’t until August where I woke up to a text message saying goodbye, from my artistic friend. Stating that she was trying to grow and I am preventing her from doing so.
So here I am, its September, where my year started so promising, it ended poorly, I had my heart broken three times this year, I lost all of my work and so much love in my life has vanished.
I might just hit the bottle.